Fanfic: “Payday” [Corgi]
Dr. Actus hated the heat in South America this time of year. However, the clients wanted a demonstration of the product, and the board of directors knew no one else was more qualified than him to oversee the deployment of Robo-Kondo.
“Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the finest machine that Ubercorp has to offer. With Robo-Kondo offering protection, no eco-terrorists would dare interfere with your efforts to reclaim this jungle for use as cattle grazing land.” Switching his headset on, he spoke into the microphone, “Go ahead Captain Boxly, bring him in.”
Immediately, the opening chords of “Tarzan Boy” began blasting out as the giant metallic monkey began lifting into sight from behind the tree line. Dr. Actus inwardly groaned. He specifically ordered John Boxly not to play the music. The lack of professionalism was astounding. Fortunately, other than that, the demonstration was going swimmingly. The clients all seemed very impressed with Robo-Kondo’s surprising mobility and deep arsenal of weapons. What had possessed anyone to put rocket boosters on something that weighed in the neighborhood of 40,000 metric tons he couldn’t guess. The sheer cost of fueling it for a single battle was staggering, but you couldn’t argue with the results.
Suddenly, a missile flew out of the tree line and slammed into Robo-Kondo’s chest, staggering him. Rising up out of the trees was another giant ape, this one decidedly more organic in nature. “You…trespass…this…monke…land” screeched the armored ape. “Based on the military ribbons that primate is wearing, it has to be General Hondo. A lower threat ape, but not to be taken lightly!” yelled Dr. Actus into his microphone.
“Bro, let me deal with this” returned Captain Boxly.
Dr. Actus watched as Robo-Kondo launched a barrage of missiles before beginning to run at Hondo. An uppercut to Hondo’s face lifted him off the ground and saw him land heavily on his back, but it didn’t keep the mad ape down for long. Screeching incoherently, Hondo jumped up, grabbed Robo-Kondo, and launched him through the air. Before he’d even touched down, Dr. Actus noted that Captain Boxly activated the auto-stabilizing SAS system and the Rocket Assisted Propulsion boosters to change his trajectory, softening the landing. Before Hondo could even blink, Boxly had Robo-Kondo back on its feet and its arms around Hondo’s waist. Picking him up and launching them both into the air, Robo-Kondo maneuvered the stunned ape head downward, and reversed the trust on his rocket boost. Now rocketing towards the ground, Hondo’s head became the first thing to impact with a sickening crunch. Over before it really began, Dr. Actus was surprised to hear applause.
“How soon can we order?” Dr. Actus smiled. The board of directors would be pleased.